Your so vain....

Versailles Hall of Mirrors, my heaven.

Carly Simon sang a song that pointed out “You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you” the truth is, I KNOW that song is about me. Maybe not in the exact lyrical sense, but certainly strutting about like I’m about to board a yacht sounds eerily like me.

As I sit here writing my weekly blog I am wearing my Crest Tooth Whitening Strips, I have carefully applied sunless tanning cream to my face, neck and shoulders, I have professionally high-lighted blonde hair and gel nail tips. I am wearing contacts to not only help me see but to change my blue eyes into green eyes. I used 2 different types of shampoo and conditioners in the shower, one moisturizing and one for tone correction. I then gently squeezed the excess water from my hair and let it air dry because wrapping your hair in the towel or using heat styling aids is BAD. I get plucked and waxed every 6 weeks. I quit smoking 4 years ago not because of the inevitable cancer that will no doubt claim us all one way or the other but because smoking causes your skin to turn grey and gives you wrinkles. Honest to God. I quit smoking because I didn’t want to get wrinkles.

If that isn’t the definition of vain, I’m not sure what is.

This brings me to wonder why people who receive ostomies cry out about having a “bag” and how their bodies are now ruined because of it. Don’t they realize the bag is making your insides pretty? Embrace your stoma, wether it be big and round or small and long. I proudly show Oscar to everyone, he is my definition of perfection and doesn’t even require 2 different types of shampoos! I know because of him, my insides now look fantastic.

Thank you Oscar for making my insides look like a million bucks, I only wish the outside required half as much attention as you!