Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Noises and lines....
All ostomates have one thing in common, we dread being somewhere really quiet. Like the library, a funeral home or in line at the Post Office. Oscar has been very vocal as of late, and no amount of Gas-X or Maalox has been able to hush him up.
On to the day's adventure....Oscar and I walked into the most depressing, quiet, muted, restrained (feel free to add more synonyms) post office in Edmonton. This place was in the bustling Strathcona area and for the type of people who frequent this geographic region, you'd have expected a young, hip crowd to be inside. Nope. Not at this Postal Outlet. I was first surprised at the enveloping silence of the place, then the demographic of the patrons, and lastly, the sheer volume of customers waiting in line. A long, long, long line.
Line's normally freak me out. I could never wait in a line that had more then 2 people, mainly because if the poop urge struck, I'd be pissed at all the time I wasted waiting in some stupid line. As you can imagine this made banking, going to amusement parks and anywhere else line waiting is required, impossible. Hitting up a bank first thing on say, a Wednesday morning, going to an amusement park on a Tuesday or any other number of line saving ideas has crossed my mind and I have even employed some of the better ones, but this particular line was my nemesis in more way's then one. I HAD to wait in this line, I had to get my tax info mailed out and since I'm getting a fairly decent return, I didn't want to waste any time getting it in.
Now that the stage has been set, and you readers (is anyone besides my mom reading this anyway??LOL) can picture what is happening, I can go into detail about ostomy noises and what us ostomates do to quiet them or blame them on the nearest dog/cat/gerbil/husband. 99% of the time, if our ostomy makes a noise we can gently put an arm over the stoma to muffle the noise and it will stop it's bleating. As I said, I was in morgue like silence, when Oscar decides to let out a squawk. I tried the arm over the stoma trick and it didn't work, he was still intent on letting everyone know he was present. After a continuous pfffffft, I look down to my belly region and exclaim "Be quiet Oscar!!!" People around me start giggling and a sweet grandma sort of woman beckons towards her bag and says "I have a breakfast bar if you'd like." Ostomy noises, whaddya going to do??? Thanks to Oscar, I was able to wait in the uber long line.