Friday, January 28, 2011
When in doubt, change that shit out.
Last night my girlfriend Trish, myself and Oscar decided to hit up the local Moksha Yoga center. If you've never heard about Moksha, it is yoga done in a super heated room. It is suppose to help stretch, strengthen and tone the muscles while detoxifying the body. I think it was designed to make us all look like Joker (see above picture) on a sugar high.
This wasn't my first foray into the yoga world. A few years ago mom and I signed up for a yoga class in Lac La Biche. It consisted of hours spent on our mats, in a cold grade school gym, listening to our breathing. I was bored, cold and had to constantly go to the washroom. It was a miserable experience.
Last night was totally different. The studio was new, clean and beautiful. Yoga mats in a dizzying array of colors lined the reception room while soft ambient light infused the space with an almost other worldly glow. I had taken a shower prior to the nights event, knowing that I would be eventually covered in sweat but not wanting the other pupils seeing my mini forest of hair that had sprouted up on my legs in the razors absence. I also noted the I should do an Oscar change but since it had only been 5 days since his last bath, I figured I could procrastinate a few days longer.
I was wrong. Completely wrong.
20 minutes into the 60 minute class I was sweaty and feeling good. Oscar was acting up but I figured it was just him acclimatizing to the rain forest like heat. The strange odours I was smelling I chalked up to flatulence from the disturbingly thin guy next to me, who was grunting and groaning before even one pose was completed.
40 minutes into the class and I was feeling light headed and thought I was going to vomit. I grabbed my towels and quickly whispered to Trish "I'm going to the washroom, I'll be back" I stumbled through the brightly lit hall into the washroom's and felt strangely euphoric. I decided to give my bladder a break and as I pulled down my pants, discovered the source of the smell that had been plaguing me for the last 20 minutes.
All of Oscar's gurgling wasn't him trying to get into the new poses but rather him saying "Hey, Allie.....I need to be changed....now." The sweat that was pouring out of my pores wasn't only detoxifying my body, it was also pushing my wafer off my skin. I had discovered (although completely hidden to others and myself, because of the genius of fold down Yoga pants) Oscar's wafer had come un-stuck on the left hand side. Yuck.
At about the same time, my wonderful friend came barreling into the washroom and asked "hey, are you ok? you were looking a little grey when you left" I explained the situation, and Trisha, (LOVE HER) not batting an eye, quickly grabbed my bag, and handed it to me so I could take care of the situation. I stuffed toilet paper into the part of the wafer that no longer was attached and changed out the pouch for a new one. I changed into clean clothes (thankfully I brought extra, knowing that Moksha was a sweat bath) and put the soiled ones into my bag.
All in all the debacle took about 5 minutes, no one was the wiser, except Trish. I will be going back to Moksha on Sunday morning. I will also make sure the wafer is nice and new and I will be covering the whole thing with a Sure Seal. Right now it's Oscar-1 = Moksha-0 but I plan on rectifying that statistic soon.
Thank you Oscar for allowing me to partake in my first real Yoga class, however brief it may have been. You may have acted like an ass, but as my hubby say's "when in doubt, change that shit out."