Friday, January 13, 2012

An ode to chunky peanut butter...

When I had “the Crohn’s” there were a number of things I couldn’t eat and drink. Dairy products, red meat, seeds, nuts, black pepper in anything, spicy anything actually, fast food, alcohol, beans, the list is on-going and for those of you that have/had Crohn’s, you know that this list changes daily if not hourly. That piece of toast felt fine this morning but try it again for dinner and your tummy could feel like it is on fire.
I can reminisce about all the food/drinks I couldn’t handle, but the one that bothered me the most was chunky peanut butter. I couldn’t have peanut butter at all, but chunky peanut butter was and remains still, even with my portable poo pouch, my personal unicorn.
I love chunky peanut butter! It is good and even useful on so many levels. Need to give a dog a pill? Put it in some chunky peanut butter, they won’t be able to tell if it’s a peanut or a pill. Have gum stuck in your hair? A little pop of peanut butter will get it right out, and the most impressive feat? Shave with it. Honestly, the oils in the peanut butter will make your skin feel fantastic. All those things are wonderful but nothing beats the way it tastes. A little salty, a little sweet, with crunches of goodness thrown in with smoothness found only on the most pristine paint jobs. I love chunky peanut butter.
So it was with that enthusiasm that I jumped in and made my first peanut butter and jelly sandwich in over 13 years. The first bite was swoon worthy, the second and third had the flavours of the peanut butter, jelly and fresh bread cascading together in perfect harmony, I don’t remember much about the rest of that sandwich or the one that followed, but I do remember the smelliness the next day.
Us ostomates live in fear of “the smell” Or rather, OTHER people being able to smell “the smell.” We know its pure silliness and no one can smell us but on that particular Tuesday morning I KNEW the smell was permeating around me.
I just couldn’t figure it out, I had done a complete wafer change a few days before and there were no leaks or any outward signs that something may be wrong in Oscar world. A thorough check later that evening revealed a tiny particle of peanut that had worked its way between the two plastic rings into the thin clear plastic that connects them. It then pricked a miniscule hole that allowed some of “the smell” to escape. Son of a b*tch.
After years of waiting to taste the sweet sweet creation that is chunky peanut butter was I willing to be taken down by a little piece of peanut? NO. Oscar and I have decided we just don’t CARE if there is a little smell once in a while and we also decided that some Duct tape works miracles in keeping those little holes closed tight.
Thank you Oscar for allowing me to indulge in chunky peanut butter once again, even if it has meant buying fat fat pants.


  1. Just LOVE duct tape! My wasbund cut off a short piece of a plastic chopstick and wound some duct tape around and around and around it, so I could carry it with me as part of my supplies kit in my purse. I have had to use it several times over the years for those pesky little pinholes, which has saved me from unnecessary bag changes.

  2. Duct tape is and always will be the Handyman or Handywoman's secret weapon. It's right up there with Velcro!

  3. Congrats on the PBJ! I know how good it must feel. I just had my first Oreo in over 10 years the other day...also swoon worthy.

  4. My first pigout-fest after my surgery? Chili! Man, I ate a gallon over a three day period. Next was ham and beans...last time I ate that I got me a nice, friendly fissure. Can't wait to eat it!